Death: The One Thing We All Have in Common

I was in New York City’s Grand Central Terminal last week, returning from a screening of a “director’s track” from the Criterion Collection, when I overheard a conversation that caught my attention. A group of kids were discussing a rather morbid topic: “Would you rather know when you would die or how you would die?”

I was surprised to hear this kind of conversation in a place meant for kids, but I also couldn’t help but smile to myself as I thought: “This topic is everywhere.” Death, after all, is something we all have in common. We all fear it, we all think about it, and we all will eventually face it.

The Heart of the Matter

My new play, currently showing at the Park Theater, explores this very topic. How to Combat Loneliness is a piece that asks big questions and sparks important feelings about death, particularly the right to die. In the United States, the answer to this question is mostly “no” – only about 10 or 11 states currently have laws that support a citizen’s right to choose their own death.

This means that it’s essentially against the law to assist someone in ending their life, even if they’re suffering and want to die with dignity. I find this to be not only wrong but also cruel. We can freely visit someone in the hospital every day and watch them suffer, but God forbid we help them end their suffering if they want to.

A Personal Experience

I had to deal with this issue firsthand when my mother passed away a few years ago. She was in the ICU, in great pain, and the hospital staff seemed more concerned about how the other patients felt than about making her agony easier. They wanted to discharge her as soon as possible, and they directed my hand to sign her over to a hospice for “end-of-life care.”

But what about me? She asked me to help her die in her last days and hours, but was I strong enough to defy the law and the principles I had been taught? What would you do in my shoes?

Regrets and Reflections

I listened to the doctors, nurses, and lawyers, and I did what I was told was the “right” thing to do. But do I regret it? I do. Instead of helping someone in their hour of need, I did what many writers do – I wrote about it instead. How to Combat Loneliness is a piece that came out of that experience, and it’s a first-class production with a phenomenal cast and direction by the talented Lisa Spirling.

The Play

The title of the play comes from a song by Wilco, and the rest of the words are mine. It’s not a story about heroes and villains; it’s about three people trying to navigate an impossible situation in the best way they know how. If you have the chance to see it, you should – it’s only relevant when you’re alive, because if you are, that means you (and everyone who knows and loves you) are on a collision course with death.

And when that time comes, as it must, I hope that those around you will do the right thing, not just the “right” thing. I know it’s easy to feel invincible when you’re young and healthy, but the truth is, we’re all mortal. We’re all going to die, and we should have the right to choose how and when that happens.

A Final Thought

As I overheard that conversation in the toy store, I realized that I’d rather know when I’ll die than how. Just give me the day, and I’ll handle the rest. How to Combat Loneliness is showing at the Park Theater until May 24th; tickets are available here.