A Weekend of Self-Doubt

The Social Scene

Last weekend I was at a drink with all the very hip Amsterdam crowd. I knew some of them a bit, but most of them only scratched the superficial in this type of gathering. Usually, I like it; I can do a little small talk and often find it nice to have this kind of people around me because I can put on a confident face. It boosts my self-confidence.

The Question That Changed Everything

But this weekend was counterproductive. When asked, "And what are you doing now?" I just didn’t have an uplifting answer, and I didn’t want to pour out my soul to half a stranger. So, it became a sport to avoid this question and to keep the other person talking, but it was really no longer enjoyable.

The Downward Spiral

With every conversation, my self-image continued to dwindle until nothing was left in the end, and I left the building with tears in my eyes. Sometimes you just have such a time when your life doesn’t seem as successful as it appears to others. Everyone does it, but what I know are all the rational answers, and yet it doesn’t feel that way in these moments.

Advice from Experience

And maybe that’s the only thing I can give as advice: it’s just okay to not be okay. Of course, try to keep it a little under control over what is reasonable, but during this time, it is almost impossible to compare yourself with others. And sometimes it makes sure that you feel like a fool, even if you probably know that this is not necessary.