Disrespect to a Mother’s Memory

A person’s father remarried a year after their mother’s death, and his actions have been causing them distress. The father made several missteps, including announcing the engagement on Facebook before telling their mother’s sister, inviting the new wife to their mother’s memorial service, and bragging about his "child bride" to the priest at their nephew’s hospice deathbed. The father also ignored their mother’s request to have her ashes in a sectarian columbarium, instead choosing her favorite state park.

The Final Straw

The person’s latest problem is that their father constantly brags about his new wife, referring to her with nicknames like "child bride," "beloved bride," and "blushing bride." The final straw was when he referred to her as his "mistress." The person is okay with their father getting married again, but the constant bragging and use of nicknames feels like a slap in the face and a disrespect to their mother’s memory.

Advice

The person is advised that their father is still in the "honeymoon" phase of his marriage, and love can make people silly. It may take another round of therapy before they can stop taking their father’s comments to heart. Their father is likely not intentionally disrespecting their mother’s memory, and they should consider seeking counseling to deal with their feelings.

Condolence Checks

When sending a condolence card to a grieving friend, it’s common to include a check to help fund a memorial service. However, if the check hasn’t cleared after several months, it can be awkward to remind the recipient to cash it.

Reminding the Recipient

The socially appropriate way to remind the recipient to cash the check is to contact them and say, "I noticed that the check I sent for the memorial still hasn’t been cashed. Did you receive it or could it have been lost in the mail?" This approach is not a breach of etiquette and allows the recipient to cash the check or clarify what happened to it.