Introduction to Jewish Mourning Rituals
When Jews talk about someone who has died, they commonly use the phrase, “May their memory be a blessing.” Compared to Christianity or Islam, Judaism places little value on life after death. Mourning rituals therefore focus more on eternal memory among the living.
Simple Burial
Burying the dead with dignity is a Mitzvah or commandment in Judaism. In traditional communities, all of a person’s remains must be buried for full religious rites to take place, and if a body cannot be recovered or buried it can be a source of distress for the family. According to Jewish law, known as Halacha, bodies must be buried as soon as possible after death, but not on the Sabbath (Shabbat) or on important holidays.
Preparation for Burial
First, the body receives a ritual bath known as Taharah. Judaism does not allow embalming or other practices that prevent decomposition, and corpses are placed either in a simple wooden coffin with no metal parts or just in a shroud (corpse burials are particularly common in Israel). No clothing or worldly items are allowed in the grave. Unlike many other cultures, there is no public viewing as it is considered undignified.
Jewish Funerals
Jewish funerals are usually presided over by a rabbi. The rituals emphasize simplicity and humility. Generally, in a so-called ritual, close family members of the deceased tear up a piece of clothing, usually a shirt or jacket (or more recently a ribbon that they are wearing). This happens before the funeral or after the death of the deceased is announced. The act is an expression of raw pain and submission to God. Tradition dictates that the parents of the deceased tear their robe on the left side over their heart. Others tear clothing on the right side. Mourners help bury the body by placing a symbolic amount of earth in the grave.
Cremation
Jewish law does not traditionally allow cremation, although it is now considered acceptable in the Reform Judaism movement, which is particularly popular in the United States.
Shiva
After the funeral, the close relatives of the deceased often continue to mourn at home, traditionally for seven days, known as Shiva. Those who observe Shiva strictly refrain from any work or care activities, including showers. They sit on the floor or on low stools. In some communities, they cover all the mirrors in the house. Entertainment such as music is avoided, and sexual relationships are not permitted. While in Shiva, friends and extended family visit to provide emotional support to those grieving and share stories about the deceased.
Persistent Grief
One of the central prayers of Judaism is the Mourner’s Kaddish, an ancient prayer in Aramaic – unlike most prayers, which are in Hebrew. It is recited by mourners at funerals, but also at regular church services. Kaddish focuses on belief in God and makes no mention of death or the dead. It is recited only in the presence of a Minyan, a quorum of at least 10 Jewish adults. In most traditional communities, there must be ten men, although gender rules vary and are more flexible in progressive communities, particularly in the United States.
Communal Prayer
The communal nature of prayer is intended to praise God’s name in public and to honor the memory of the deceased as an ongoing part of the community unit. It also provides community support for grieving people. Mourners say Kaddish as often as possible after the funeral for a period of time determined by their relationship with the deceased. For someone grieving a parent, it’s 11 months. For others, it is shorter. The prayer is also recited on the day of death according to the Hebrew calendar, known as the Yahrzeit or Azkarah.
Tombstones
In most Jewish communities, tombstones are not added to the grave or have an inscription added until one month to a year after the burial. When visiting a Jewish grave, it is customary to leave a pebble on the gravestone instead of a flower, as a sign of visit and symbol of permanence of memory.
