Concerns About a Friend’s Wedding Plans

A woman is concerned about her husband’s best friend, Herb, who is planning to get married for the third time. Herb has suggested that the wedding participants pay for their own meals, which the woman thinks is a recipe for disaster. She believes that this approach will not only be embarrassing for the participants but also for Herb’s fiancé, who may expect gifts or other forms of celebration.

A History of Failed Relationships

The woman knows that Herb’s cheapness has been a factor in the end of his previous relationships. His second wife and another partner had both complained to her about his stinginess before they ended their relationships. Despite this, the woman thinks that Herb is a nice person, but his financial behavior is a significant issue.

Advice from Dear Abby

Dear Abby suggests that the woman should not try to educate Herb about his behavior, as he is likely aware of the potential consequences. Instead, she advises the woman to quietly suggest to Herb’s fiancé that she should have her own lawyer review the prenuptial agreement to avoid any surprises in the future.

Dealing with a Demanding Mother

Another woman is struggling with the demands of her 84-year-old mother, who expects her to call every evening. The mother will often repeat stories and expect her daughter to listen patiently, which can be frustrating and exhausting. If the daughter forgets to call or falls asleep during their conversations, her mother will send texts and emails, and even contact her husband and children.

Setting Boundaries

Dear Abby advises the daughter to set boundaries with her mother by limiting their conversations to once or twice a week. She suggests that the daughter should explain to her mother that daily conversations are not sustainable and that she should consider talking to her contemporaries instead of demanding her daughter’s attention every day.

Managing the Consequences

The daughter should be prepared for her mother to react negatively to these new boundaries. If the mother complains to her husband or children, they should politely tell her that they are busy and will only be available to talk at the agreed-upon times. Dear Abby also suggests that the daughter should prioritize her own well-being and consider seeking support if she is feeling overwhelmed by her mother’s demands.